Stop a minute, right where you are. Relax your shoulders, shake your head and spine like a dog shaking off cold water. Tell that imperious voice in your head to be still.

Barbara Kingsolver

When the mind is engaged in some activity, it gets tired. So any type of concentration, contemplation or any activity in the mind can drain your system. When can you rest? Rest is possible when you have stopped all activities. When you stop moving around, stop working, talking, seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, thinking – then you get rest or sleep. In sleep you are left with only involuntary activities like breathing, heartbeat, food digestion, blood-circulation etc. But this is not total rest. When the mind settles down, only then total rest is possible.

“Turn off your mind, relax, and float downstream.”
― John Lennon

A simple breathing exercise

Sit or lie down

Keeping your mouth closed, breathe in deeply through your nose

Keeping your mouth closed,exhale fully through your nose

Breathe in/Breathe out

Breathe in/Breathe out

This simple exercise can be done with eyes closed or eyes open, it can be done anytime and anywhere. It has been shown to affect the parasympathetic nervous system and help rest and relaxation.  Enjoy!

Some cancer survivors report that they still feel tired or worn out after treatment is over. In fact, fatigue is one of the most common complaints during the first year after treatment.

How long will fatigue last? There is no “normal” pattern. For some, fatigue gets better over time.

Some people feel very frustrated when fatigue lasts longer than they think it should and gets in the way of their normal routine. They also may worry that their friends, family, and coworkers will get upset with them if they complain of fatigue often.

Tips: fighting fatigue

How do you fight fatigue? Here are some ideas that have helped others:

• Plan your day. Be active at the time of day when you feel most alert and energetic.
• Save your energy by changing how you do things. For example, sit on a stool while you cook or wash dishes.
• Take short naps or rest breaks between activities.
• Try to go to sleep and wake up at the same time every day.
• Do what you enjoy, but do less of it. Focus on old or new interests that do not tire you out. Try to read something brief or listen to music.
• Let others help you. They might cook a meal, pick up something at the store, or do the laundry. If no one offers, ask for what you need. Friends and family might be willing to help but may not know what to do.
• Just say “no” to things that do not matter as much to you now. This may include housework and other chores. By using the energy you have in rewarding ways, you can live a fuller life.
• Think about joining a support/education group for people with cancer. Talking about your fatigue with others who have had the same problem can help you learn new ways to cope.

Tips provided by Dana-Farber Cancer Center

“The days of our lives, for all of us, are numbered. We know that.  And, yes, there are certainly times when we aren’t able to muster as much strength and patience as we would like.  It’s called being human.    Elizabeth Edwards

Sometimes we can feel blown around in the medical tornado that comes with a diagnosis of cancer, the  treatment we undergo and then our post treatment experience. It’s important to remember that we are not our diagnosis and that the numbers we are given that predict the outcome of all that we are going through do not truly measure who we are.

Some ways to remember your self :

• Spend time alone
• Rest
• Notice what draws your attention … and follow that to see what you discover
• Reflect on what is meaningful to you …
• Take the pressure off of yourself to “be strong”
• Find relationships where you can just hang out and be yourself

Carl Faber

Carl Faber was my first mentor as a psychotherapist. He died of cancer at the age of 60.

Did you ever notice that there is a lot of advice given to people who have been diagnosed with cancer?  While well-meaning, these pieces of advice tend to annoy more than help.  Here’s a list of the top 5.  You may want to have some pithy answers at the ready to help this type of conversation end quickly …

1.  Be positive!!!

2.  You shouldn’t eat that,  you should eat healthy foods.

3.  Get some exercise, it’s good for you.

4.  You got cancer, there must be some things you need to change about your life.

5.   Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.

“I don’t think you’re dying,” I said. “I think you’ve just got a touch of cancer.”  –John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

I remember hearing the phrase, “the gift of cancer” before I had cancer. Being a person who believes in transformation, I thought it had a certain ethereal elegance to it.  I mean look at Lance Armstrong (at least back then before  the confessions of all that steroid use put him in the club with athletes who did not  have cancer but might someday have bones like sawdust and be out of their minds) …  he won the Tour de France!  He had taken adversity on a winning bike ride and then started a foundation that would serve others. Other famous people, some still alive and others not as fortunate, had come forward with messages of profound learning leading to life changes. Hmmm … their stories were deeply moving. They spoke of misery and affliction which had not been chosen but rather thrust upon them. The courage  of their choices in the face of  trauma and suffering was inspirational. Yes, cancer, a life threatening disease did appear to be a fine present wrapped in a cloak of darkness!

When was told I had an aggressive breast cancer, my first thought was not “thank you, I am absolutely thrilled with this gift!” Attempting not to hyperventilate, keel over and hit my head thereby fast tracking my death, I called my husband.  He was not excited either, we did not open a bottle of Champagne. As an ordinary woman living an ordinary life I just kept putting one foot in front of the other, hoping that my ordinary life, which suddenly seemed remarkably precious, would continue.

Imagine opening your birthday present and finding “the gift of cancer” nicely wrapped in tissue. Whoa … this is not the gift I had in mind. I would have preferred a million bucks.  Now that’s a gift. A few moments after being diagnosed with  cancer,  I started wondering how to return this gift because re-gifting in this case really just did not seem right at all. Fairly soon after diagnosis I began a serious and debilitating course of treatment that I hoped would end up in an exchange for “the gift of remission.

Have a good day … have a good laugh.

“Someone once gave me a box of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift.”  Mary Oliver

A big part of my story is the choice to stay in the world of cancer …a choice I didn’t make lightly because I knew it meant that I would stay in the treatment rooms and have to face the politics of health care, be constantly reminded of  the collateral damage  of cancer as well as  be reminded of my own fears. And, honestly, I still needed and wanted an authentic and contemplative way to discover and process my own experience. I kept noticing that, when given an opportunity, people wanted and needed to tell their stories. Some had never been given the space to relate what had happened for them. Time after time I noticed that no one was really listening …

Counseling that addresses adjustment or coping mechanisms is concerned with reducing stress and accepting, sometimes resigning oneself, to situations and solutions. It is useful in that the focus is often on concrete tools or tips that offer relief and repair. This layer of treatment speaks to what can be done. It involves actions that, hopefully, will result in change. This layer is about doing.

“So many of the people whom I see have learned to treat themselves as objects — and, at that, objects to which they only have mild attachment.  They hurry past their inner experiencing in an effort to report fully and accurately on these objects, and they regard my attention to the subjective as quaint, kindly, and impractical.”   James F.T.Bugental, PhD

Cancer changes us … but whatever has been altered doesn’t seem particularly clear the moment you receive that diagnosis. Authentic transformation shows itself over time when we pay attention give attention, and allow awareness to emerge. The essence of contemplative work is to be met where you are, not where you think you should be or where others think you should be.  To meet yourself at the edges of your own known world requires letting go into the unknown territories of you inner world. You have to trust your capacity for growth and “hang in.” You allow yourself to discover the untold story within you.  This layer is about being …

Being met, being deeply listened to while we tell our stories is healing in and  of itself. Through the simple act of telling, of being witnessed while we paint the pictures of our experience, we find a certain relief, a freedom is releasing all that we have held and carried within ourselves.

Excerpt from my book Surviving the Storm: Finding Your Way Through the Wreckage of Cancer

“Freedom is what we do with what is done to us.”
― Jean-Paul Sartre

While it is confusing and frightening, the experience of finishing treatment for cancer can become a powerful opportunity to release trauma and move into a new stage of life. There are also survivors who continue with some form of treatment as they learn to live with the reality of managing cancer in their lives. The shadow of illness lingers. Quality of life, a phrase mentioned frequently in the context of survivorship, is a theme worthy of personal reflection.

Quality of life goes beyond survival. While there are no statistics that show higher survival rates occur when cancer patients choose to address their emotional needs, it has been shown that their quality of life increases. Opening up an exploration of one’s personal definition of quality of life, the discovery of one’s true self, can bring meaning to whatever time each one of us has to spend in a lifetime.

The University of Toronto Quality of Life Research Institute defines quality of life in health care as “the degree to which a person enjoys the important possibilities of his or her life.”  Their quality of life model is based on the categories of “being”, “belonging”, and “becoming”.

You didn’t choose to have cancer but you can choose to discover who you are in any moment of your life …  who you are, where you belong and who you have become.  And in that discovery, you can free yourself.

Excerpt from my book,  Surviving the Storm: Finding Your Way Through the Wreckage of Cancer