There is a Maori proverb that says turn your face to the sun and the shadows will fall behind you. As the reality of impermanence weaves in and out of life, facing and becoming part of that weave, those ribbons of light and dark that make up the fabric of who we are, can create a powerful way to face the fears of recurrence. In essence, the fear of recurrence is the fear of death. There is more to surviving cancer than surviving cancer. The door does not close behind you when you leave the treatment room. That door is left ajar for the rest of your life.  How you walk through the numerous doors of the days of your life can be creative and engaging.

The American Cancer Society has a section on their online site entitled “Living with Uncertainty: The Fear of Cancer Recurrance” in which they define cancer recurrence as “the return of cancer after treatment and after a lengthy period of time during which the cancer cannot be detected.  (The length of time is not clearly defined.)”  The piece describes the concerns of the cancer survivor as “What Ifs”:

• Will it come back?
• What are the chances it will come back?
• How will I know if it has come back?
• What will I do if it comes back?
• When will it come back?

The common thread in all of these questions is come back. What if it comes back?

You are not alone in these thoughts and concerns.  Don’t be afraid to talk about them.  It helps to express your fears.  It hurts to hold them in.