What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender before Nana came to tidy the room.  ”Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-handle ?”

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse, “It’s a thing that happens to you.  When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse,  for he was always truthful.  ”When you are REAL you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse, “You become.  It takes a long time.  That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.  Generally by the time you are REAL, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out, and you get loose in your joints and very shabby.  But these things don’t matter at all because once you are REAL you can’t be ugly, except to people who don”t understand.”       The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams

Facing a life-threatening illness is traumatic for the patient as well as for partners, families, and friends, and also deeply affects the providers who care for those affected by cancer.  There are many ways to heal  the wounds of trauma.  What is important is the awareness and attention that is given to those who are suffering.  It is possible to move from the dark abyss of fear into the open heart of self-discovery.

Healing can go deep into the heart and soul and make us REAL.  And healing sometimes shows up in ways you aren’t too crazy about.  I know that I was always grateful for the moments when there could be genuine dialogue about my struggles and pains as I went through treatment for cancer and beyond.  There can be pressure for women to “get back to their lives” or find the “new normal” rather than allow the space and time for true healing.  When people talk about the “gift of cancer” I want to say, “I think I’d like a different gift- how about a million dollars!”  Oh well…

Yet having cancer has brought me many gifts and I continue to be grateful for the moments of my life.

On May 26, 2012 I lost one of my dearest friends, Diana, to cancer.  I am reminded that there are other survivors of cancer…those who are left behind when someone close to you dies.   We are left with the loss of someone we love which comes with a multitude of feelings.  For those of us who have had cancer, fear can emerge.  The fear that cancer recurred for someone close to us can bring up thoughts and worries that it can also happen to us.

It is important to remember to be in the present.  To mourn those who are no longer with us.   To be grateful for each day.

This is dedicated to all of us who have lost people we love to cancer.

Memorial Day is a time to honor those who have died in battle.  I want to honor those who have died in the battle that is cancer.

Take a moment on Monday, May 28, to reflect in any way that is meaningful to you.   You may want to light a candle or read a poem. You might take a walk in nature and discover the beauty around you that is eternal.     You may want to write the name(s) of people who have died from cancer.   Allow yourself to find what is right for you.

Let’s pause in our busy lives….

I honor Diana, Callie, Vlad, Carl

I honor all those families and partners who are the survivors of the loss of a loved one.

Happy Mother’s Day to those women who still make the lunches and drive the kids to school while struggling with breast cancer.   To those who continue on with their lives feeling ill, tired and frightened.    This Mother’s Day I celebrate your courage and resilience.

Happy Mother’s Day to those women whose children have cancer… may your day be celebrated with the light in the eyes of your child.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of us who continue to live on after breast cancer.

May we all be treated like queens!

I came across this quote by Lawrence LeShan, Ph.D.    I remember reading his book “You Can Fight for Your Life”  when I was in graduate school in 1977.   I met him at a conference years later and thanked him as this book really changed my life.   Then in 2007,  I got cancer.  Who knew….

I still have my copy of the book.  I have copies of other books by LeShan.   He’s been a profound voice for me and the field of psychology.   Thanks again to Lawrence LeShan.

“I have never worked with anyone where positive change and growth, change that would make a critical difference in the individual’s life, was impossible.”

Lawrence LeShan,  ”Cancer as a Turning Point”

The April/May 2012 edition of the AARP Magazine includes an article on cancer entitled:

“Cancer- More Americans are Surviving.  Here’s Why”

“In 2012 U.S, cancer survivors reach 12 million, a fourfold increase since 1971 and a 20 percent increase since 2001.”

“Indeed, between the new drugs, the improved technologies, and screenings, many experts believe the time is coming when most cancers will become chronic illnesses rather than fatal ones.”

The article focuses on research and prevention.   There is no mention of the psychological and emotional experience of the cancer survivor and how that might be addressed.

It’s time to take a good, long look at this vital area of cancer survivorship.    I’ll keep you posted.

When do you actually feel like a survivor?  Or do you?

I just had my mammogram and the follow up visit with my surgeon.  It’s all good!  Yet these tests and visits always bring up feelings and thoughts.  Anticipating the news while sitting in the waiting area… looking at the other women who are also sitting there…waiting. Some will not get good news and begin a different journey.  I got to leave, get back in my car and drive home.  But it’s not finished.  In several months there will be more tests and more visits.

There is no cure for cancer.  There is living beyond the diagnosis and treatment.  There is living with cancer.

There is life!

An evening of dining and jazz, featuring the lush and vibrant vocals of Linda Tillery with Nicolas  Beard and Friends.

February 6th, 2012

Yoshi’s Oakland

510 Embarcadero West

Jack London Square

Select ticket pricing available.  For more information contact Pat Bregant at WCRC  (510)601-4040 x105

Come, have a ball AND support the important services of the Women’s Cancer Resource Center.  See you there!!!

I remember that right after finishing treatment for breast cancer there was still a feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop.   It’s all still so fresh and frightening.  And it feels difficult and strange  to step back into life because life has changed forever.  But then after months and then, fortunately, years, life goes on and things happen and the clock just keeps on ticking.    We move on….

We still have  check-ups and tests and sometimes these can still be anxious moments.  Certainly we all breathe freer when we fail those tests!   I know I sure do.    It’s hard to let go but it’s possible to take care and keep eyes open without living in a state of anxiety.

So…hang in there, keep breathin’ and fallin’ forward.

Mammogram

by Jo McDougall

“They’re benign,” the radiologist says,

pointing to the specks on the x ray

that look like dust motes

stopped cold in their dance.

His words take my spine like flame.

I suddenly love

the radiologist, the nurse, my paper gown,

the vapid print on the dressing room wall.

I pull on my radiant clothes.

I step out into the Hanging Gardens,  the Taj Mahal,

the Niagara Falls of the parking lot.