“Finally, the thing decided not to decide,
let us wash out with the tide. We are swimming again
and the ocean is very blue. But there is a fin moving
beside us on the horizon, and though it disappears
from time to time in the bright sun
at dusk it is always there
circling.”
from Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia by Gail Rudd Entrekin
Those of you who love someone who has cancer also suffer deeply. All too often, you suffer in silence fearing that you have no right to your own feelings of terror, anger, sadness and despair. You may feel as though your own problems are meaningless in comparison to someone who is thrashing about with a life threatening illness.
All of you whose lives are affected by cancer are profoundly touched.
Don’t hold in your feelings.
Your needs are important, too.
You don’t have to suffer alone.
Talk to someone …
There is some currently promising research being done on brain plasticity. Below is a recently published study.
http://medicalxpress.com/news/2013-09-cognitive-brain-function-cancer-survivors.html
This is not the only perspective available. The practice of mindfulness meditation as well as the effects of depth psychotherapy have all shown that the mind has a capacity for growth and change. I explain this to myself and my clients in a simple way: it’s like the brain has grooves that represent the well-worn patterns of thought and beliefs that we carry inside of us, with enough experiences that are different we can actually shift these grooves into different patterns. In essence, there is hope that we do not need to be trapped inside a fuzzy mind!
“The Institute of Medicine (IOM) recently released a report: “Delivering High-Quality Cancer Care:Charting a New Course for a System in Crisis.” The report proposes a framework for improving quality cancer care that puts engaged patients at the center and emphasizes informed decision- making. A key recommendation to support the goal of engaged patients is as follows: “The cancer care team should collaborate with their patients to develop a care plan that reflects their patient’s needs, values, and preferences, and considers palliative care needs and psychosocial support across the cancer care continuum.”
The National Coalition for Cancer Survivorship
If Diana Nyad can swim over 100 miles, I can swim 1 mile for women with cancer!
Swim a Mile for Women with Cancer is a fantastic yearly event at the Mills College pool in Oakland, California. Every October swimmers in all shapes, sizes, colors and ages take the plunge and labor up and down the lanes to support the Women’s Cancer Resource Center (Oakland, California) . The Center offers all programs and services free of charge to women, and those connected with them, who have been diagnosed with cancer.
I am proud to be a board member of this organization and will swim for the 4th year on October 5th at 9am.
Please consider a donation by going to www.wcrc.org/swim. Click on “donate to a swimmer” and type in “Cheryl”.
The Women’s Cancer Resource Center and I thank you. www.wcrc.org
Now … I have to get the the pool!
The “Boogie Man of Cancer” lurks in the dark corners of our psyche waiting to pounce on us when a symptom grabs us and spins us around. It’s really confusing to know when to pay attention and when to just get on with the day feeling lousy. In an August 29, 2013 New York Times (NYTimes.com) blog, Living with Cancer: Is It Back?, Susan Gubar describes the mind horrors that can wreak havoc with us when we feel like crap. In my household this phenomenon is known as “The Cancer Pimple.”
Gubar reminds us of an old joke about the psychiatric patient who declares before dying, “Of course I’m paranoid. Something out there is trying to kill me.” The not-so-well-known theory about someone who is paranoid is that there is often a kernel of truth in their perceptions. It’s important to acknowledge the truth in the paranoia. This also creates the space to actually do a reality check, which is not a bad idea anyway. After regaining at least a decent grip on reality,the issue then becomes how much or how little power is given to that kernel of truth.
I believe that the kernel of truth at the source of the fear of cancer recurrance is fear itself. It’s natural, it’s normal, it’s painful and, sometimes, it’s funny. But, bottom line, it’s real. Once we own this, we can make choices about the amount of power we give to our fright.
I advocate being kind to fear. Caring works well with scary moments. Turn on the light, look under the bed and in the closet and, most likely, the Boogie Man will be long gone. At least … that’s what I hope …
Recently I’ve been thinking about what it is like to have cancer when you are a young person. By young I mean in your teens, twenties, and thirties. While there are common threads of fear and uncertainty, concerns and sorrows; the impact of a cancer diagnosis, treatments and post treament phases, is different for those who face these challenges early in life. This group is beginning to be acknowledged and resources are cropping up to serve them. The young online community is especially helpful.
If you are a young survivor, please be encouraged to seek out support and contact with others who can understand and empathize with what you are going through.
www.stupidcancer.org
www.planetcancer.org
www.lbbc.org Living Beyond Breast Cancer
Seems like a good day for an old song that speaks of choice and hope and personal freedom!
Cat Stevens – If You Wanna Sing Out
Have good day!
“It seems that one of my greatest teachers or teachings came from the times in my life when illness came upon me. The gift in the wound that illness seems to provide for so many is to remind the heart to move toward difficulties rather than turn away from them.
Ondrea Levine, “The Healing I Took Birth For”
Turning toward ourselves, reflecting on “what now” and “what next”, exploring what is present, may fill the emptiness of uncertainty and soothe the fears of the scary stories we tell ourselves. It is not so much that there is something to do, however, it is a pathway to discover who you are now, now that you have survived treatment for cancer. What next may be as as simple as what you will have for breakfast and it can also be as complex as exploring what you really want with whatever time is given to you. What now may be an invitation to an awareness of who you are as you stand at this crossroads of your life.
Give yourself space, time, and gentleness as you move forward in your life.
“Every moment of light and dark is a miracle.” Walt Whitman
When we are exploring ourselves and our lives after treatment for cancer there are moments of beautiful, profound light as well as times of despair, confusion and fear in the darkness we confront within ourselves.
Don’t push, don’t rush, don’t pressure yourself to move through these thoughts and feelings. There is a richness in what you discover in these difficult places. You may be encouraged to “manage” your thoughts and feelings. Letting go of pain and fear is a process that takes whatever time you need to fully experience what it is you are releasing.
Give this time to yourself.
Allow yourself to know the “miracle of light and dark” .