What Happens Now?

What Happens Now?

What happens now? What happens next?

These are the questions that swirl in the mind and the heart of the survivor even before that last treatment. They begin to form without the knowledge of what is indeed next, or what will happen now. You are told about the follow-ups, often given some advice on what to eat, and reminded to exercise. Most of this is common sense and applies to anyone attempting whatever the current definition of a “healthy lifestyle” is. However, while maintaining a healthy weight, exercising, and not drinking too much alcohol have been proven important, research remains inconclusive on the other effects of diet on cancer. Theories in the form of the latest product or program come and go, preying on us in our most frightened and desperate moments. Beware magic potions bearing promises of life everlasting!

Turning toward ourselves—reflecting on what to do now and what to do next, exploring what is present—may fill the emptiness and soothe the terrors. It is not so much something to do, however, as it is a pathway to discover who you are now that you have survived treatment for cancer. Deciding what’s next may be as simple as deciding what you will have for breakfast, and it can also be as complex as exploring what you really want to do with whatever time is given to you. Asking What now? may be an invitation to the awareness of who you are now as you stand at this crossroads of your life. As there is little preparation for the emotional leg of survivorship, it can be confusing to know where to turn.

Leaning on others who can relate to your experience can be helpful during this time of transition. When asked what might have eased her anxiety immediately following the end of her treatment, Julie says that “a support group of survivors would have been good. I wasn’t interested in continuing in a support group where people were still engaged in treatment. Done with that, sort of. But a group of people a number of years out, someone to say, ‘Yes, I felt the same way. Yes, I bugged my doctors, too,’ would have been good.”

Still tender from the shock of cancer, we stumble out into the world outside of the hospital and the doctor’s office, shaken and unsure within ourselves and about our lives. “What happens now?” can be answered concretely by follow-up appointments, continued surveillance, tests, and so on. That’s the short answer. But life has abruptly changed as the visits to the doctors taper off and another day arrives. The world has gone on without us while we were in surgery and in the infusion room and while we received radiation, and it will continue on with or without us. How we want to continue is a profoundly personal search. But it’s difficult to begin to ponder these questions when it is still hard to believe that we will carry on at all. Working with these fears and beliefs may be the first part of “what happens now.”

What happens now? can be broken down into small sections, starting with day-to-day concerns and activities. For instance, how do you want to use the time you have now that you’ve been freed up from the appointments and treatments? You may want to take a walk, read a book, nap, or paint. Start with what is accessible and easy; don’t push or try to fit yourself into a place you don’t really want to be in.

Excerpt from my book, Surviving the Storm: Helping Cancer Survivors Tell Their Stories

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